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Teaching Kids About Money When You're Co-Parenting

· By Sarah Mitchell

Teaching kids about money is one of those parenting responsibilities that gets complicated when you’re co-parenting. Different households might have different rules, different financial situations, and different philosophies about spending.

But here’s the good news: with some coordination, co-parents can actually model something valuable — that adults can work together on financial matters even when they don’t always agree.

Start With Shared Values

Before diving into rules, try to align on values. You might have different incomes or spending habits, but you can probably agree on basics like:

  • We want our kids to understand the value of money
  • We want them to be able to delay gratification
  • We want them to be generous
  • We don’t want them to feel entitled

Starting from shared values makes the practical discussions easier.

Coordinate on Allowance

Few things confuse kids faster than different allowance rules at each house:

  • Same amount at both houses — If you can agree on an amount, this is simplest
  • Pooled allowance — One parent pays the full amount, the other contributes to shared expenses
  • Different but communicated — If amounts differ, at least make sure the child understands why

Whatever you choose, be consistent about expectations. Does allowance require chores? Is it for spending only, or should they save some?

The “Mom’s House / Dad’s House” Problem

Kids quickly learn that different houses have different rules. While some differences are fine, big financial inconsistencies can be confusing:

Try to align on:

  • Whether you pay for grades or achievements
  • Rules about expensive toys or electronics
  • Expectations around part-time jobs for teens
  • How birthdays and holidays are handled

It’s okay to differ on:

  • Day-to-day spending amounts
  • Specific brands or stores
  • How allowance is earned

Model Good Financial Communication

Here’s an underrated benefit of co-parenting: your kids see you successfully navigating financial discussions with another adult. When you:

  • Calmly discuss who’s covering soccer fees
  • Agree on a budget for school clothes
  • Split an unexpected expense without drama

…you’re teaching them that money conversations don’t have to be fights. This is a skill many adults never learn.

Age-Appropriate Conversations

What kids need to understand changes as they grow:

Ages 5-8:

  • Money is exchanged for things
  • Some things cost more than others
  • We can’t buy everything we want

Ages 9-12:

  • Budgeting basics
  • Saving for goals
  • The difference between needs and wants

Ages 13-17:

  • Banking and accounts
  • Part-time work and earning
  • College costs and planning (if applicable)

Both parents covering these topics reinforces the lessons.

Handling “But Mom/Dad Would Let Me”

Every co-parent has heard this. The antidote is a united front:

  • Communicate major purchases before they happen
  • Agree not to override the other parent’s financial decisions
  • If you truly disagree, discuss it privately — not in front of the child

When kids learn that playing parents against each other doesn’t work for finances, they stop trying.

Different Financial Situations

It’s common for co-parents to have different incomes. This can create awkward situations:

  • One parent can afford things the other can’t
  • Kids might prefer the “more fun” house
  • Gift-giving becomes competitive

Some strategies that help:

  • Focus on experiences, not just purchases
  • Be honest (age-appropriately) about what you can afford
  • Don’t criticize the other parent’s spending to your child
  • Remember that kids ultimately value time more than things

The College Conversation

If college is in your child’s future, start this conversation early:

  • What does your custody agreement say about education costs?
  • Will both parents contribute? In what ratio?
  • Should the child contribute through work or loans?
  • Are there 529 plans or other savings?

The worst time to figure this out is senior year of high school.

What We’re Really Teaching

Beyond the practical skills, we’re teaching kids that:

  • Adults can disagree and still cooperate
  • Money is a tool, not a source of conflict
  • Financial responsibility is important in all settings
  • Their wellbeing matters more than any dollar amount

That’s a pretty valuable education.

Consistent expense tracking helps both parents stay on the same page about what’s being spent on the kids. Learn how SplitMinder helps.

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